War - From Teeko

Mom apparently thinks that I should do the treadmill, and then go outside to go to the bathroom. She however, is dumb. Why? Because after I've been on the treadmill, I'm weakened, and I'm tired. I am not at my full potential, and she expects us to just waltz outside all ladee da, while I'm not 100%. She needs protection! So why would she wait to take me out when I can't fully protect her? And she holds me back with that infernal leash, and I keep trying to break free, but then it's harder to tug at it when I'm weakened.  What is she doing?

I hear people say it all the time, Use Protection. That doesn't mean go half way with it, it means USE PROTECTION, the best protection possible, ever! So she should take me outside at my fullest potential, when I'm at my most rambunctious and a alert. It makes total sense. But she keeps not! I thought she was smart about protection...she always claims to be!

So I shit on the treadmill again. Maybe if I keep flinging my feces she'll realize that I need to go out FIRST. I don't care how much earlier she walks me, or how slow the treadmill goes, it still weakens me. Maybe next time I'll wait till she's walking behind the treadmill and send a big ol' turd her way. Maybe I'll just squat down over her head before she even wakes up in the morning and lay a massive mud monkey right on her face. That'd show her.

This is war. And I will win.

I Don't Even Know What To Title This - From Mom

After showering this morning, I then ran Teeko on his treadmill. He is running about 40 minutes earlier than normal. About 15 minutes into it (usually goes for 20 minutes) I see movement behind him. He goes fast and then slow and then fast and then slow, it was during a fast jog, that he decided, to shit all over the place, whilst running. This wasn't like, a little turd plopped out, this was like a full on BM, multiple turds, shooting off the treadmill like a machine gun.


I hurriedly shut off the machine, and he steps in where one had landed on the treadmill, and looks appalled and confused. There is no look of guilt, recognition or shame on his face. He literally was looking at me like, "I'm trying to run here, why did you just dump shit all over? Are you nuts?!"


I couldn't punish him or yell at him, because he was completely oblivious. It would be like yelling at a retard. "HEY HEY! STOP! Stop being retarded right now! Just stop it!"  That's just mean. Even if they do fling shit all over like apes on parade.


I may throw him out the window one day.

Blindfold - From Mom

You do not sniff the air, nor anything else, going outside. It is unnatural. Unless you are on high alert, as a dog, you are not supposed to be looking around for something to kill. I tried to point out things for you to sniff, I tried to distract your wandering eyes, to no avail.

SO you get blindfolded!

I blindfolded Teeko last night for the first time. He was not a happy camper. I talked to him, letting him know where I was so he could still heel by my side, but, without wiggling his little nose and sniffing the air, he decides to run ahead, into a pole. BAM dead center. "Take it easy buddy, stay close," I warn. He does for a minute, until he decides to wander and runs into a tree. By the end, he was sniffing like crazy, and even jumping over things with his blindfold on.

The only way to get over your fear, is to face it. Not being able to scope things out to attack first and ask questions later, is Teekos fear. So, how to take that away, as I do not have a doggy rehab in my house for him to be rehabilitated otherwise. I did it again this morning. A guy walked by fairly close. His ears and nose were going crazy, but he was not! He would glance in the direction of the noise, and continue to go about his business like a normal dog. Will this be a magic pill fix? Course not! BUT we are a few steps closer. He did great this morning...until getting overly confident, as he does, and as we jogged toward my house, the mailbox was apparently in his face's way.

Body Language? - From Teeko

Mom is freaking me out...she's speaking my language more! Of course she's not barking at me, in response to your question Lucky! That's just silly. But she's getting me to do what she wants with body language, she calls it.

I was waiting for my food, patiently staring at my bowl, when I saw she was staring at me. She obviously wanted me to do something! The way she stepped closer and leaned over me, I know I needed to get lower. So I laid down. She then let me eat. Sometimes she approaches me, makes eye contact, and walks away, and I know she wants me to follow her cuz that's what we do! But how does she know all this? Who has she been talking to? Is it one of those bastard dogs that live next door? Are they tipping her off?

What if she starts reading MY body language? Creepy! Wait...maybe I'll show her I want more treats! And food! I need more food. If she can speak it, she can read it, and if she can read I want more food, I'll get more food! I'm dying! I have decreased energy everyday because I'm SO hungry. Ever heard of seconds?! All I can summon the strength to do anymore is, run around, throw my toys, run on the treadmill as fast as it can go, run outside, tackle Lucky, play tug o' war and jump over the back of the couch, that's how weak I am, that's all I can do in an evening. That's it. Pathetic! I NEED MORE FOOD LADY!

In Trouble Drama - From Mom

This is a bit dramatic...he always smiles when he's in trouble, it's like a nervous 'heh heh nooo that wasn't me OKAY IT WAS AND I'M SORRY! Please just leave me alone I'm sorry! I'm dying!'

Give Up - From Mom

I am your master! Got it? I'm your mom too...but I'm you're my dog son! And you will be treated as such, and to be a good son, you have to obey me. Everyday. So when we're outside, I don't care that there is a dog in the backyard near you, if I tell you to lie down so I can pick up your shit, you lie down. It's a tall vinyl fence. You cannot see the dog. The dog is not going to get you.

What do you honestly think is going to happen? Even if I let you roam free, you'd be able to burst through the fence to get to the dog? Do you think the small dog that's not even barking at you even gives a shit about the fact you're on the other side of his fence? News flash for ya buddy, he doesn't.

So when I say DOWN, just lie down! JUST DO IT! We both know that you know what it means and that you're just being an ass.

Also, at the house, when I tell you to go to your bed, do you really think I'm just saying it for my own amusement? Sure, sometimes, I do actually love you more when you're sleeping. But no! I would not waste my breath just to tell you to go to your bed, if I wasn't doing something like walking to the door, answering the door, putting Lucky on the treadmill, etc. SO JUST DO IT! AH!

You make me crazy!

Moving Floors? - From Teeko

Mom got me this new contraption that the floor moves, and I walk on it. She ties me to it, and she must control how fast I go cuz the last few seconds she always says 'run run' and then it goes way fast and I have to run! I get lots of the best kind of treats ever when I'm on it though.

This morning, I saw a threat on our walk, after the moving floor walk. Well I reared up snarling as usual, to be all huge and awesome! And my mom made this really obnoxious noise she's been making. Tssht! And then kept jerking my head and not letting me look at anything I wanted to look at! Usually I throw a giant fit at this point...but I was too tired so I stopped rearing up and sat next to her. She doesn't even let me jump up and down by the front door anymore! She used to always say she was sure the people below love that! If they love it, why can't I do it? She's so mean all the freakin' time...

Strangely though, I feel happier. I don't feel the anxiety and stress I did before this walking floor contraption came into our lives...and mom...well she's still my mom, but she's more now like my pack leader, which is what I need! Mom's are for BABIES! I'm not a freakin' baby I'm a grown dog! And neither of us realized how desperately I needed a pack leader. Us dogs...we really are lost without them. There is always the alpha, our idol, our mentor, our leader. I now have structure. I am becoming one happy calm pup!