Body Language? - From Teeko

Mom is freaking me out...she's speaking my language more! Of course she's not barking at me, in response to your question Lucky! That's just silly. But she's getting me to do what she wants with body language, she calls it.

I was waiting for my food, patiently staring at my bowl, when I saw she was staring at me. She obviously wanted me to do something! The way she stepped closer and leaned over me, I know I needed to get lower. So I laid down. She then let me eat. Sometimes she approaches me, makes eye contact, and walks away, and I know she wants me to follow her cuz that's what we do! But how does she know all this? Who has she been talking to? Is it one of those bastard dogs that live next door? Are they tipping her off?

What if she starts reading MY body language? Creepy! Wait...maybe I'll show her I want more treats! And food! I need more food. If she can speak it, she can read it, and if she can read I want more food, I'll get more food! I'm dying! I have decreased energy everyday because I'm SO hungry. Ever heard of seconds?! All I can summon the strength to do anymore is, run around, throw my toys, run on the treadmill as fast as it can go, run outside, tackle Lucky, play tug o' war and jump over the back of the couch, that's how weak I am, that's all I can do in an evening. That's it. Pathetic! I NEED MORE FOOD LADY!

In Trouble Drama - From Mom

This is a bit dramatic...he always smiles when he's in trouble, it's like a nervous 'heh heh nooo that wasn't me OKAY IT WAS AND I'M SORRY! Please just leave me alone I'm sorry! I'm dying!'

Give Up - From Mom

I am your master! Got it? I'm your mom too...but I'm you're my dog son! And you will be treated as such, and to be a good son, you have to obey me. Everyday. So when we're outside, I don't care that there is a dog in the backyard near you, if I tell you to lie down so I can pick up your shit, you lie down. It's a tall vinyl fence. You cannot see the dog. The dog is not going to get you.

What do you honestly think is going to happen? Even if I let you roam free, you'd be able to burst through the fence to get to the dog? Do you think the small dog that's not even barking at you even gives a shit about the fact you're on the other side of his fence? News flash for ya buddy, he doesn't.

So when I say DOWN, just lie down! JUST DO IT! We both know that you know what it means and that you're just being an ass.

Also, at the house, when I tell you to go to your bed, do you really think I'm just saying it for my own amusement? Sure, sometimes, I do actually love you more when you're sleeping. But no! I would not waste my breath just to tell you to go to your bed, if I wasn't doing something like walking to the door, answering the door, putting Lucky on the treadmill, etc. SO JUST DO IT! AH!

You make me crazy!

Moving Floors? - From Teeko

Mom got me this new contraption that the floor moves, and I walk on it. She ties me to it, and she must control how fast I go cuz the last few seconds she always says 'run run' and then it goes way fast and I have to run! I get lots of the best kind of treats ever when I'm on it though.

This morning, I saw a threat on our walk, after the moving floor walk. Well I reared up snarling as usual, to be all huge and awesome! And my mom made this really obnoxious noise she's been making. Tssht! And then kept jerking my head and not letting me look at anything I wanted to look at! Usually I throw a giant fit at this point...but I was too tired so I stopped rearing up and sat next to her. She doesn't even let me jump up and down by the front door anymore! She used to always say she was sure the people below love that! If they love it, why can't I do it? She's so mean all the freakin' time...

Strangely though, I feel happier. I don't feel the anxiety and stress I did before this walking floor contraption came into our lives...and mom...well she's still my mom, but she's more now like my pack leader, which is what I need! Mom's are for BABIES! I'm not a freakin' baby I'm a grown dog! And neither of us realized how desperately I needed a pack leader. Us dogs...we really are lost without them. There is always the alpha, our idol, our mentor, our leader. I now have structure. I am becoming one happy calm pup!

Tape and Shame - From Teeko

Mom is not paying attention, or she's stupid or something. She said we were going to learn a new trick. So I'm like, pfft, I've mastered every trick, I've got Sit, I've got Tornado, I've got Wave, Lay Down, so many that it's like I know your language. I'm sure every single trick she's tried to teach me I've learned, but sometimes she tells me stuff that aren't tricks. She's so silly. She stares at me like an idiot expecting me to do something. Silly girl.

Here I am, prepared for this Trick, and subsequent treats, when she puts tape on my nose. Really? To get a sticker off my face is this new profound exciting trick? She always sticks stuff on me, I've mastered this. But I'll entertain her, I decided. So as I'm rubbing my face she keeps saying "Shaaaame" and I rub at my eyes and she gives me a treat and acts excited. Well if I get treats just for brushing at it, imagine the plethora I will attain once this babies off!

So this goes on for a bit, as I rub my face and she says "Shame" and good boy and gives me treats. And then, finally, I get the tape off, and then guess what...NOTHING! It's like she didn't even notice. She taps my nose and says Shame again. It's not there anymore mom! It's right here on the ground, I got it off gimme treats now!

And then she sticks it back on, and says Shame again. We are clearly not understanding each other. Humans.

I Hate Your New Toy - From Teeko

Why was it even going for my treat?! Trucks don't eat treats! ...do they? I mean they are pretty delicious...but it was mine!

You Lose - From Mom