I DON'T KNOW where Lucky is - From Teeko

They ask me all the time! Where's Lucky? Where is he?! I don't always know okay. Plus you sound really excited when you ask me, and then I find him, and usually he's just laying there. Well a couple nights ago, or maybe it was last night...or maybe 5 minutes ago...7 years ago? I'm pretty sure it was 19 days ago...I don't know, I'm horrible with time, anyway, my mom says, where is Lucky?

I. Don't. Know. Why don't you go find him if it's so important. She finally calls him, cuz I'm not gonna find him for you every time lady. So then I get curious because, Lucky doesn't come. I never know what he's doing back there! And he doesn't listen very well. I get this weird zapping feeling in my neck when I don't listen. Doesn't he get that too? Were we talking about treats? MEATLOAF? Bones...oh yes! Lucky. So mom starts to get worried as she begins searching the living room, goes down the hall, checks my Bat Cave area, and I'm curious so I'm following, then we both spot his tail.

Why is he laying on the other side of the desk? That's just weird. So we both wander over, he might have something of mine ya know, and he's laying in front of the empty water bowl, staring longingly at it.

"Wow dramatic much Lucky? Are ya thirsty?" Mom asks him, and he doesn't even glance at her! It's like he was hypnotized. My mom pours some, and I suddenly need some too...cuz Lucky does...and I need what he needs. Then Lucky finally came and played with me. Or should I say hung out with us. Or should I say laid by my mom...

Just Go Already! - From Mom

Just go! You are not trying to find a spot to have your child, you do not need to spend 10 minutes pacing the same 3x3 area and jerking awkwardly back and forth trying to decide, just go!

Then when we both think you've found the right spot, and I can then get on with my day, and you squat down to take a dump, you suddenly spin in half a circle like a sideways walking crab, not realizing your ass is in the same spot it started! And then you impossibly smell a better spot just a few inches forward, and still squatting, creep over to it. Even the turd is getting sick of it! Just pick a damn spot already!

Then, just when you're about to pinch a loaf, a leaf moves, or a car starts, or something happens to where you have to stand straight up and stare, before starting the whole process over again, sniffing and jerking spasmodically back and forth in the tiny sanctuary that is your shitdom. Come on! Even your crap has places it needs to go so just do it!

Play Ball! - From Mom

My neighbor had text me about her internet being down. My crummy router, it's a goner now! F that guy!  I bought a new one! So when I said I'd be home soon to restart it, she said, "Oh well then I think Teeko is playing ball without you then!" Apparently she could hear him running around inside my house by himself. Isn't that cute?! It makes me so happy to know that he DOES actually play by himself when I'm not home to watch him.

He's just like his mom...easily entertained.

The Bigger Black Dogs - From Teeko

Mom and Deana took Lucky and I to the park last night, it was so much fun to run around. They sat in the truck though, and I didn't get why. I kept going to the doors to show them it was safe, then I'd run around, but they'd still stay in most of the time.

I was walking around the front of the truck's bright lights when movement caught my eye. That's when I saw it.

Stretching across the entire field, was the biggest black dog I have ever seen, and as I held still, it held still to! We must have spotted each other in the same instant. As I scoped out his body stretched across the field, standing the same way I was, I thought, I could take him! So I jogged forward to intimidated him, and he moved too! I froze, and realized, there were two of them! Facing me! Big, huge, and black, stretched across the field. But the worst part was...they had no eyes. Just black masses of horror!

I high tailed it outta there so fast! No wonder they were in the truck...

Little Bed - From Mom

Now you can stop being so obsessed with Brayden's Spiderman bed! I got you, a small dogs bed. Your big boy's bed is not good enough for you, but the tiny dog bed is apparently. I'm glad you love it so much and lay in it all the time...even though you barely fit.

Thanks for the Warning - From Mom

As I was about to put on my make up this morning, Teeko walks pointedly into the bathroom, sits between me and the counter, and stares up at me with a sad expression.

"You look guilty..." I comment staring at him. "What did you do?"

Then he starts licking his lips. A lot. Did he really just go eat something and is now telling on himself? Not likely! So when else does he lick his lips a lot? Before he's about to vomit. I quickly run to the living room, about to go out to the balcony, when his stomach starts heaving as he slowly makes his way to the living room. It was like a ticking time bomb, without the digital display to let you know how much time there was left! I had to make a choice! So back to the hallway we went, and I pet him and told him it was okay, as he proceeded to ralph all over the hard wood floor. The apparent culprit was a swallowed chunk of pumpkin from FOUR DAYS AGO that caused the explosion.

He looked very sad and guilty, so I walked him to the bathroom and told him it was okay and to just lay down, which he did. I then go to clean it up...I am out of paper towels. Completely. Out. Not even the sticky glue chunk was left. So I had to use lots and lots of toilet paper. Glad I took a two hour lunch yesterday so that I could be a half hour late this morning! Woot!

But THANK YOU for the warning buddy...because on the carpet.........omg that would have been bad, bright orange on light tan...thank you.

Sorry Buddy - From Mom

As I'm walking around this morning taking Teeko out, I ask myself if I'm going to put his food in his kong this morning. I usually do, but I was running late. Then, thinking about his food, I ask myself, "Did I feed you last night?" I start running through my night time ritual of getting ready, and no. I did not feed him. He didn't even cry or beg for it or give any indication like, 'hello, missing something?' He never does anyway, but when he eats he all but inhales it and freaks out excitedly as I'm pouring it into his bowl.

I think he just assumes he won't be eating, so he's extra excited when he gets to, cuz he lived on the street for God knows how long. So he probably didn't hear me offer him food, and just thought, 'Okay :(,' and went to bed. HOW SAD! As I eat pizza in front of him and send him away when he stares at me. Awwwwwe. Poor guy.

And the night before, I let him sleep in my bed. I woke up to him kicking me repeatedly, so I kicked him back, and he just kept on kicking. So I sit up and realized he was having a nightmare and twitching freakishly in his sleep.

I'm an asshole.