Moving Floors? - From Teeko

Mom got me this new contraption that the floor moves, and I walk on it. She ties me to it, and she must control how fast I go cuz the last few seconds she always says 'run run' and then it goes way fast and I have to run! I get lots of the best kind of treats ever when I'm on it though.

This morning, I saw a threat on our walk, after the moving floor walk. Well I reared up snarling as usual, to be all huge and awesome! And my mom made this really obnoxious noise she's been making. Tssht! And then kept jerking my head and not letting me look at anything I wanted to look at! Usually I throw a giant fit at this point...but I was too tired so I stopped rearing up and sat next to her. She doesn't even let me jump up and down by the front door anymore! She used to always say she was sure the people below love that! If they love it, why can't I do it? She's so mean all the freakin' time...

Strangely though, I feel happier. I don't feel the anxiety and stress I did before this walking floor contraption came into our lives...and mom...well she's still my mom, but she's more now like my pack leader, which is what I need! Mom's are for BABIES! I'm not a freakin' baby I'm a grown dog! And neither of us realized how desperately I needed a pack leader. Us dogs...we really are lost without them. There is always the alpha, our idol, our mentor, our leader. I now have structure. I am becoming one happy calm pup!

Tape and Shame - From Teeko

Mom is not paying attention, or she's stupid or something. She said we were going to learn a new trick. So I'm like, pfft, I've mastered every trick, I've got Sit, I've got Tornado, I've got Wave, Lay Down, so many that it's like I know your language. I'm sure every single trick she's tried to teach me I've learned, but sometimes she tells me stuff that aren't tricks. She's so silly. She stares at me like an idiot expecting me to do something. Silly girl.

Here I am, prepared for this Trick, and subsequent treats, when she puts tape on my nose. Really? To get a sticker off my face is this new profound exciting trick? She always sticks stuff on me, I've mastered this. But I'll entertain her, I decided. So as I'm rubbing my face she keeps saying "Shaaaame" and I rub at my eyes and she gives me a treat and acts excited. Well if I get treats just for brushing at it, imagine the plethora I will attain once this babies off!

So this goes on for a bit, as I rub my face and she says "Shame" and good boy and gives me treats. And then, finally, I get the tape off, and then guess what...NOTHING! It's like she didn't even notice. She taps my nose and says Shame again. It's not there anymore mom! It's right here on the ground, I got it off gimme treats now!

And then she sticks it back on, and says Shame again. We are clearly not understanding each other. Humans.

I Hate Your New Toy - From Teeko

Why was it even going for my treat?! Trucks don't eat treats! ...do they? I mean they are pretty delicious...but it was mine!

You Lose - From Mom

I DON'T KNOW where Lucky is - From Teeko

They ask me all the time! Where's Lucky? Where is he?! I don't always know okay. Plus you sound really excited when you ask me, and then I find him, and usually he's just laying there. Well a couple nights ago, or maybe it was last night...or maybe 5 minutes ago...7 years ago? I'm pretty sure it was 19 days ago...I don't know, I'm horrible with time, anyway, my mom says, where is Lucky?

I. Don't. Know. Why don't you go find him if it's so important. She finally calls him, cuz I'm not gonna find him for you every time lady. So then I get curious because, Lucky doesn't come. I never know what he's doing back there! And he doesn't listen very well. I get this weird zapping feeling in my neck when I don't listen. Doesn't he get that too? Were we talking about treats? MEATLOAF? Bones...oh yes! Lucky. So mom starts to get worried as she begins searching the living room, goes down the hall, checks my Bat Cave area, and I'm curious so I'm following, then we both spot his tail.

Why is he laying on the other side of the desk? That's just weird. So we both wander over, he might have something of mine ya know, and he's laying in front of the empty water bowl, staring longingly at it.

"Wow dramatic much Lucky? Are ya thirsty?" Mom asks him, and he doesn't even glance at her! It's like he was hypnotized. My mom pours some, and I suddenly need some too...cuz Lucky does...and I need what he needs. Then Lucky finally came and played with me. Or should I say hung out with us. Or should I say laid by my mom...

Just Go Already! - From Mom

Just go! You are not trying to find a spot to have your child, you do not need to spend 10 minutes pacing the same 3x3 area and jerking awkwardly back and forth trying to decide, just go!

Then when we both think you've found the right spot, and I can then get on with my day, and you squat down to take a dump, you suddenly spin in half a circle like a sideways walking crab, not realizing your ass is in the same spot it started! And then you impossibly smell a better spot just a few inches forward, and still squatting, creep over to it. Even the turd is getting sick of it! Just pick a damn spot already!

Then, just when you're about to pinch a loaf, a leaf moves, or a car starts, or something happens to where you have to stand straight up and stare, before starting the whole process over again, sniffing and jerking spasmodically back and forth in the tiny sanctuary that is your shitdom. Come on! Even your crap has places it needs to go so just do it!

Play Ball! - From Mom

My neighbor had text me about her internet being down. My crummy router, it's a goner now! F that guy!  I bought a new one! So when I said I'd be home soon to restart it, she said, "Oh well then I think Teeko is playing ball without you then!" Apparently she could hear him running around inside my house by himself. Isn't that cute?! It makes me so happy to know that he DOES actually play by himself when I'm not home to watch him.

He's just like his mom...easily entertained.