Just go! You are not trying to find a spot to have your child, you do not need to spend 10 minutes pacing the same 3x3 area and jerking awkwardly back and forth trying to decide, just go!
Then when we both think you've found the right spot, and I can then get on with my day, and you squat down to take a dump, you suddenly spin in half a circle like a sideways walking crab, not realizing your ass is in the same spot it started! And then you impossibly smell a better spot just a few inches forward, and still squatting, creep over to it. Even the turd is getting sick of it! Just pick a damn spot already!
Then, just when you're about to pinch a loaf, a leaf moves, or a car starts, or something happens to where you have to stand straight up and stare, before starting the whole process over again, sniffing and jerking spasmodically back and forth in the tiny sanctuary that is your shitdom. Come on! Even your crap has places it needs to go so just do it!
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