Dancing? - From Teeko

K I don't know what this so called 'dancing' nonsense is...but to me it looks like you stare at the big magic box with the moving things on it, and you flail your body around the living room. And you call me a spaz? I don't understand why during these times you get the entire living room to yourself! The place isn't that big mom! And I just want to be close to you.

I try to do it sneaky, and slowly scoot closer and closer while I chew on my bone, but then if I'm too sneaky, you don't notice me and I get kicked in the face like last night! You need to calm this dancing stuff down! You are out of control. Or, if you do notice me, instead of letting me chew on my bone close to you, you throw it across the room. Do I look like I want to play fetch? Did it look like I walked up to you and dropped it for you to throw it? I barely even know what fetch means! We both know I don't have the attention span for such a game so why would I initiate something like? Like I would really just walk up to you and

Go Play is Mean - From Teeko

I don't know why you send me away when you eat! You always say "Go Play" too, which apparently means "No more looking at food for you, hahaha go away and listen to me eat!" I mean I don't see why I can't just watch you. I love you. I just want to watch you. And make sure you don't drop any. And if you do, I'll be there for you mommy.

I also noticed you took a picture, and even said something like this is why I can't, and made me go play. So my face is why I can't watch you eat? I mean I've never really seen myself, but I reckon I'm pretty attractive cuz all the boys in the park hug me a lot! Even one boy last time got mad at the other boys for hugging me, so that he could hug me! And he hugged me really hard over and over like so many hugs! So I must be cute right?

Drooling For Food is a NO - From Mom

THAT! Right there! That is why you cannot watch my eat food. The only time I've ever seen you drool in your whole entire life (at least the portion that's been with me) is if you're staring at food for too long!

That is why I tell you to GO PLAY! So don't sit there with your back against the couch and mope about me sending you away. I MEAN REALLY! And you don't even notice you're drooling! UGH HOW CAN YOU NOT?!

Impolite Barking - From Mom

When grandma is taking you for a walk, you are to be on your best behavior. Now, when you bark at someone, you have a deep scary bark. Even people that work at dog places, say your bark makes you sound 10x bigger than you are. If you bark, people will take notice.

Which means, if you feel the need to bark at an innocent teenager listening to his headphones, it is unnecessary to leap straight up into the air, and bark loudly, right in his face. Do you ever see me talking to anyone in their face. Do I ever just walk up to someone and say, "HEY!" with my face inches from theirs and looking all scary with my hair sticking out? Do you ever see that happen? NO! So guess what it is, it's a NO NO! NNNNO! No.

Our Stuff - From Teeko

You know in the car, how you put your stuff in the trunk, and my stuff on the back seat, like a chew toy I'll find here once in awhile, and then our stuff, you put our stuff in those round things in the middle of the two front seats. I think you've called them cup holders once.

I know you called them SQUIRREL! ... nope, leaf. I know you called them BIRD! GIT! ... oh, same leaf. I know you called them cup holders, because one day you were yelling at me about them and shoved my face. Is shoving my face ever really necessary? Yelling is scary enough! I chewed up some of our stuff and you were mad. It's not my fault that you accidentally put some of your stuff in our spot! Why are you yelling at me about it? Please remember to put your stuff in the trunk and not in our area.

Another thing, sometimes the things that I think you mean to put in our area, you accidentally put them on the front seat floor! Sometimes they're even hidden from my view until I move up to the front seat, which I KNOW I'm not allowed to do...if you're in the car. So I have to go up to the front and dig LEAF!...oh wait, it's a leaf, and dig around before I find what you were obviously supposed to put in the cup holder. How am I supposed to know what you want me to kill, if you keep putting them in different places? You're making this very hard on me.

So mom, please remember to put anything you want me to kill, in the cup holder. That way I don't have to ever go into your seat to find the stuff that you were supposed to put there.

Screen Door - From Mom

Last night, I opened the glass door, and you attempted to bolt out onto the balcony, excited to get outside. Little did you know, that the screen door was still shut, until you face planted right into it and bounced back with a confused and hurt look on your face.

"Teeko!" I cried hugging and petting you, "What happened?!" You pressed against me licking your lips sadly, and tentatively walked out onto the porch after I opened the door for you.

Last time we were out there, I left the screen door shut just so that the next time I opened the glass door, that would happen. Hahahahahaha! I'm smarter than you are!

Common Sense, Where's Yours? - From Mom

Ok Teek a Beak, I know you are excited to go out in the mornings. TRUST ME! I know! I get it. For real. There has not been a day that's gone by that I've wondered, 'Is Teeko excited to go out this morning?' It does not mean, that you have to freak out, every time. I mean it's cute that you try to talk to me, and when you jump straight up into the air, or run in a big circle and for some reason leap over the tile in the kitchen, all that is fine.

But when I'm trying to put on my shoes, and you tackle them out of my hand, repeatedly, who are you really hurting here? Besides when I get irritated enough to finally beat you, you are just hurting yourself. Your spastic freak out excitement is slowing me down, therefore, you do not get to go outside as soon as you would have, had you not been a shit.

So STOP knocking my shoes, my keys, your leash, my coat or my purse, onto the floor. Ripping anything from my hands, is not a good idea. Just calm. CAAAAAAAAAALM! Simma down now! Mkay?!

Mom and the Birds - From Teeko

There I was, minding my own business, running around the park, when Mom calls me. Is it time to leave? I hope not. We just got here I think.

She said something that sounded exciting. She wanted me to Git something! She was pointing, so I followed her finger and saw the flying tweety thing she'd called a Bird. I ran after it and she told me I was a good boy, which made me proud. I chased all the birds she told me to.

The next day, she was taking me to go to the bathroom when I spotted a bird! I was going to be a good boy, and I was going to get that bird. I walked by, pretending not to notice the bird so that it wouldn't expect anything, and then I went for it! I lunged so fast at the flappy bird and I would've probably for sure definitely got it, if it weren't for my poky collar thing holding me back. I felt it slacken as I looked back to see mom flying toward the ground, she must want to chase the bird too, and so I ran at it again!

Then she got mad! I mean really, no wonder the human mens always look so confused at the females.