Let Me In MY HOUSE - From Mom

Usually you are so excited for me to walk in, jumping up and down happily that I'm home. Not today. Today it was hard to open the door, because you were sitting against it. The folded up rug affected it a little but not much. Was that also part of your plan?

I walk in to find shreds of black, some weird plasticy type lining, and cotton. Whatever the shreds are, they are unrecognizable to the human eye. I follow the trail of destruction to my ottoman. At first, in my horror, I think it's the ottoman, but then I see you got into the ottoman, as there are also two half eaten coasters (that's 3 out of 6 now you bastard, guess that makes us tied). You'd gotten some brand new winter gloves that I'd received with the ottoman for Christmas and had never taken out. They were cute gloves! Well insulated with snowflakes on them! Thanks a lot JERK.

Since the book/remote/sunglasses mishap, I have made sure to give you at least 20 minutes of good exercise a day. Today was the very first day since then that I failed. A last minute flooring scramble for tomorrow morning ensued immediately after work tonight. I tried to have Wiley play with you for a few minutes but he was tired and grouchy. And rly? You even had to get into the office garbage can and shred a paper towel wrapper all around the house. Apparently you cannot survive 1 day by yourself. I lived by myself without you for a year and a half buddy. Guess what. I managed to do it everyday without feeling the need to randomly shred something! You are very much two. STOP IT. Stop being two. Could you?

And you know what kisses are, you will lick occasionally, but then when I have to beat you and scream at you, you have to do the adorable pecking your lips against my cheek or my lips as I glare at you, with ears back and big puppy eyes, until I have to throw you outside because it's too hard not to hug you. You suck. Stop sucking. Stop eating my shit. Stop being so high maintenance that you can't handle one day of me not hardcore exercising you, I was fuckin busy, chill out.

Stop.