Mom apparently thinks that I should do the treadmill, and then go outside to go to the bathroom. She however, is dumb. Why? Because after I've been on the treadmill, I'm weakened, and I'm tired. I am not at my full potential, and she expects us to just waltz outside all ladee da, while I'm not 100%. She needs protection! So why would she wait to take me out when I can't fully protect her? And she holds me back with that infernal leash, and I keep trying to break free, but then it's harder to tug at it when I'm weakened. What is she doing?
I hear people say it all the time, Use Protection. That doesn't mean go half way with it, it means USE PROTECTION, the best protection possible, ever! So she should take me outside at my fullest potential, when I'm at my most rambunctious and a alert. It makes total sense. But she keeps not! I thought she was smart about protection...she always claims to be!
So I shit on the treadmill again. Maybe if I keep flinging my feces she'll realize that I need to go out FIRST. I don't care how much earlier she walks me, or how slow the treadmill goes, it still weakens me. Maybe next time I'll wait till she's walking behind the treadmill and send a big ol' turd her way. Maybe I'll just squat down over her head before she even wakes up in the morning and lay a massive mud monkey right on her face. That'd show her.
This is war. And I will win.
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